I seem to have found myself in an awkward position. No, an impossible situation. I don’t understand how I can go from having a great relationship with someone I love immensely to be completely confused. On one hand I have a person I’ve spent the last two years of my life with, someone I’ve come to love more than I ever thought possible, a boy I cannot possibly live without. I can’t stress that enough. He’s my life and I love it that way. And to top it all off, he feels the same way about me. Then I have someone new. He’s entertaining and smart and I can actually talk to him and feel like we’re communicating effectively (not to mention he looks amazing in his striped sweater). Maybe it’s because this new person is a change from my normal life, but I like being around him. Pure and simple.
Except for it’s not so simple. I obviously can’t have them both and I’m pretty sure I can’t have the new one, for multiple reasons – our separate relationships, moral standards, etc. Due to both of our separate situations, it seems impossible. No matter how badly I want this, it has the potential to turn into a nightmare. I’m afraid it may have already gone too far. And the worst part is that I don’t know if I want it to stop. I don’t know if I can stop, at least not when he’s there every day…looking at me the way he does while his blue eyes bore into mine, making my stomach churn with anticipation of what could happen.
Now, if I were to think more like a guy and stop using my brain, I’m sure I could let myself go and jump his bones. However, I’m a girl. I try to think things through and get in touch with how I feel. And considering all the complications, I can’t just make a move and be %100 okay with it. Nevertheless, I’m still attached to the max.
